A Modern Day Tragedy

I was just talking with a friend. He seems to think being gay is a choice. I however tend to think it's based more on genetics, the enviroment, and to many other factors to name. Your opinion?

It's interesting to watch my parents, and observe them, especially my Mom. Her interaction with gays, and lesbians continues to suppress my understanding. She is close friends with many gays, and a few lesbians. She always chats with them( they live in other states, she travels with them when she works), but also she see's them as close, and very personal friends. A few times they have stayed at our home when they have traveled to Atlanta to work, and my Mom would hang out with them. She likes their company, and sees them as people, and always agrees with them about rights and all that jazz.

Here's the irony in this. My Mom always referes to them as " Faggots" " Queers", " and " Dykes". She always states how they are gonna go to hell, how it's wrong, and how she hates them so much. She's a walking sack irony in it's purest form. And her " Gay" and "Lesbian" friends has no clue she acts like this. I don't understand this. I guess this is a case of monkey see, monkey do, and when the other monkey ihas fled, she forgets.

My Dad hates gays, I know this for a fact. However he loves them for their money. He's a crook, but since he lives in the Triangle of NC, he targets the gay community. Knowing it's a very large part of the community up there. He targets them by hosting gay night, and gay friendly enviroments in his businesses. I will give him Kudos, for being able to adjust to the business aspect of it, but I think it's crooked to hate them, when it's kinda a oneway relationship. All it would take is one person hearing him, say something about "Gays", and there goes a large portion of his income. It's a oneway road for him. Gays will do just fine without him, but he won't do so good without them. Another classic case of my family Irony....

Don't get me wrong I love my parents, I think they are highly flawed though. Don't get my wrong I am highly flawed so myself, and possibly more flawed then them.

I think I have pretty good sleep habits. I go to bed at 12, and get up at 7:45, and sleep in till 1 or 2 on the weekends. For some reason or another this morning I woke up at 4 AM. No biggie, I just rolled over, threw another pillow on top of my head, but nachos just popped into my head. I had the biggest urge to eat nachos, I was craving them. So I couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up and spent 30 damn minutes making myself some.

I am not sure why, but I just was craving them like a crackhead craving crack. It sure was odd.

As usual I drive home from practice on Sundays. However at the main interesection in my city where all the shopping complexes are, there are sometimes these religious fanatics. They stand outside holding signs, that bash everything. The nutcases were out there today, I will get a camera phone I swear, and soon.

Yeah, here are the few I can remember from today.

" Mothers don't let your children grow up to be QUEER Cowboys"
"Dealing with mankind is not a lie, dealing with WOMANKIND is!!!!"
" Remember Sodom, and Gamora?" The guy next to him had this one...
" We will be destroyed like him"
" Get used to the darkness"


I really felt like chugging my trash at them again.

This made me smile, plus it's my first youtube.

I am fine, just some scratches and bruises from the asshole in the car yesterday. I am sore though, but my Ipod, and cell phone are still no go. The police have found the asshole after running his tags. I'll see what happens from here.

I have 3 different routes I go running on. I decided to go my favorite and most serene route today. It's peaceful 3 miles in one direction on this country road with farms on both sides, and pastures, horses, and I just love it. Well I run with my Ipod in my ears, and the speed limit on this road is about 35, and there are never any cars. So I never really worry about them.

However today there comes swooshing by this Escalade from behind me. I was about scared shitless, and I jumped back into the ditch. I was startled for a second, but this car just kept speeding down the road. I was in a puddle of water, all dirty and muddy, and now my Ipods not working. There was a woman who saw the whole thing and comes running down her driveway to me. She was frantic asking if I was okay, and this and that. Her husband had been close enough to get the lisense plate number. He wrote it down.

They ended up calling the police, and came and filed a report. He saw on the ground where the driver had left swirve marks trying not to hit me, and just sped off afterward. Do he took photos did the report, and got the lisense plate number. He called me Mom, and we are about to head to the ER, to get me checked out. I think I am fine, I'm just pissed that my Nano's screen is cracked, and my cell phone, ipod, and really nice watch got wet, and won't turn on...

This is a Masterbation Poll someone is doing. This is hilarious click Here to see it.


Also on another note I will get around sometime this week to updating my Blog Rol, and fixing some of the links.

So I signed up one more client today. This makes 7 total, and last week I figured I needed a logo, new magnets for my car, and really nice business cards. I went to Kinkos and nearly shit when they told me the price, so I sat around thinking for a while. I decided to search Ebay, and there are tons of company's doing logo design, card prints, and magnets as well. So I decided to buy a 15 dollar logo design hoping it would turn out okay. Well, it turned out Fracking awsome. So then I ended up getting my business cards, and car magnets from their. They arrived today, and they are really nice. 1/3 the price I was told at Kinko's, but also I have a custom logo, and all the rights to it.

I am attracted to Steven, the problem lies in the fact that even though I know there is something there. I am not sure how strong it is. He makes me laugh, and I know he understands me, but there has to be more to attraction then that. Also the fact today he confided to be that he has been accepted to do porn. 1000 dollars per scene, and well that is alot of money. He wants to get out, and well that his is ticket I suppose. He has the looks there is no doubt in my mind about that. He asked me though if I would do it. I was hesitant to answer, but the answer is... Yes, I would. If the money was of a decent amount, and I could make a killing doing it yes I would.

Then he asked me what I would think of him. Personally I know him, and I just see it as work. But if I ever saw a pornstar walking down the street, the first thoughts off my head would be " slut", and "whore". And I am scared that he will be labeled as such if he decides to go through with it. However I have to stick with what I told him. If the money was good I would just see it as work, and yes, I would do it.

I have some posts in this blog I am not to proud of. However I will not delete them, but leave them up. They are of things I don't understand, or didn't word right. I am aware of what they are, I know at times I am ignorant, and arrogant. I write about things I know nothing about, or barely understand. I am naive to the world, but everyday I am learning, and understanding it better. I am young in this whole Gay World of ours. So sit back, and watch. For those of you who have been reading this blog since it's birth you have seen me mature, and for those of you just tuning in. You get can watch as well. I will leave my old posts up as a testament to my stupidy.

I am not the most attractive person on the planet. In fact I am far from model hot, but I am not ugly. I am just average, with a hint of cuteness added to it. Girls sometimes will ask me for my number, but women in their 30's go crazy for me. I have never understood this. I get about 15 numbers a week at work, and almost all of them are from women in their 30's. Most of them extremely attractive. I wont ever call any of them because I don't like tacos.

But here's the thing. I was sitting around at the bar with some of the Moms from my gym this weekend. They were drunk, and one of the girls came up. The Mom asked her why she didn't want to date me. The girl stated that I wasn't cute enough for her, and not her type. She likes AnF, football player, jocks.

The Mom, turns to her and says, " Honey in 20 years those jocks won't be so hot with the beer bellies, and their looks would have been replaced. This kid right here is the type that in his thirties will be in his prime. He is just cute right now, but in 15 years he is gonna be smoking." A bunch of the Moms started commenting and agreeing.

For some reason I attract older Women. If I were straight this is a plus, but I'm not. Which makes me feel better after Steven, has started complaining about my looks. He doesn't just want me to have a 4 pack, he wants me to have an 8 pack, he wants me to have flawless beautiful skin instead of acne, he expects me to be something I am not. Don't get me wrong I have considered getting plastic surgery. I might just do it, but I don't know.

I am gonna base my decision on my father. I looked just like him at his age, and he wasn't that good looking. Once he got into his late 20's and 30's women flocked to him. It seems the older I get the better looking I will become. I dunno this is a useless post.

One thing I don't think I could ever do is date someone who doesn't have faith in the Big Man, aka God. I am not a member of the prestigious and arrogant God Squad, nor am I the pot head rock and roller Anti- Christ. I don't throw my beliefs onto others, nor do I persuade people to follow my beliefs. However I have the upmost respect and love, and I cherish that Faith. Even though I do not attend church I have to much trust to believe there is nothing after we die. To many times in my life I have prayed, and when there was no hope, suddenly there was. I don't know why I believe in God, but I just do. There has never been a shred of scientific evidience to support his existance. I just feel that there is something more to being me. I believe in Heaven and Hell, and I believe I am going to heaven.

I attended private Christian schools for many years. I was the student in class who always defied the teachers common thought system. Ex. I was about 10 and we were studying Noah. The teacher taught us that the dinosaurs and everything lived at the same time. But the Dinosaurs died in the flood. I raised my stated that God gave Noah strict orders, to get two of each animal and put them on the Ark. The teacher couldn't think of anything so they sent me to the office, and I got paddled.

So I found faith in science at that point. As I have gotten older I have learned to put a lot of a faith in science. I believe in the Big Bang, Evolution, and so forth. But I also have a very personal and sacred relationship with the Big Man. I would never defy his existance, even if it ment destroying my own. I know that there is more then me, because I can feel it. When I look into the stars at night, I see it. When the Molly Mormon Mothers bake their cookies, and then bring the convoy of minivans over I smell it. I just know there is something more then being me.

The reason I blog this is someone just told me they were athiest, and alot of my friends are either that of spiritual. I don't know what to say to them so I don't say anything. However in my mind I shun them for their mistakes.

I am please to announce the arrival of Cheersport Nationals. The largest competition in the WORLD, and where tons of cute hot gay male cheerleaders are attending. I am gonna have myself some good pickings this weekend:)


I have one thing to say...

Bring It ACE, Bring It Top Gun, Bring It Georgia, Bring It Stingrays, Bring It Encore, Bring It World Cup, we're here and ready to kick some ass. We got layouts, fulls, punchouts one mans, and quads. And in my arsenal I have an ariel, backhandspring, tuck, and some jumps that will make you scream....

Don't just Bring It, Bring It On

Good Luck, You'll Need It

I am so happy. I am gonna be going to play paintball tomarrow morning. I love that game. I love strategy and war games. Then it's off to Cheersport:)

There will probably be no updates this weekend.

Cheers,

T

My science teacher I have had her since ninth grade. She is my favorite teacher I have ever had just mainly because she is just a plain out awsome teacher. I have two science classes Ap Micro Biology, and hers AP Anatomy which I love. Oh yeah she's black... Here's the story.

For some reason somehow some redneck got into this class. He's failing I'm not sure how he has stayed in it so long either. My teacher is one of those that does anything to get a student to pass and pushes them. Well he was talking about something in the back of class today, and says, " Mr. ***** if you would spend half that time you spend talking, on actual school work you would be doing well in this class."

His response, " Why are you always on my God Damn back." Then he puts his head down and grunts " Fucking Nigger." Minus the fact the whole class had their mouths half open in disbelief, and staring between the teacher and him. She gently picked up the phone, and dialed the prinipal. He was removed from class by the schools officer, and noone saw him for the rest of the day. Somehow this woman kept her cool and continued the rest of the period like nothing happened.

I hate the word more then anything, and the fact my family uses it 24/7. A lot of my friends use it, but I just can't even get it to slip off my tongue. Hell, I have a hard time saying Black, I always have to say African American.

So my favorite singer/song writer, Anna Nalick, has just recored 2 new songs. " Soldier" and " Life", and honestly they aren't out anywhere. I so want to hear them so badly. I would do anything to hear them. For those of you who aren't aware I adore Anna Nalick. Her CD Wreck Of The Day is my favorite, and her voice and song style of AMAZING. Her lyrics are brutally honest, and she doesn't hold anything back. I've seen her in concert twice...

Back on topic. With this news of the new songs I take it she is starting on a second Album. Which I am hoping will be out soon, but I am just assuming.

There are times, like tonight, that I urge to be back home. I in all honesty miss North Carolina. I grew up in Durham, and Chapel Hill I know those cities like the back of my hand. I miss the people, and more then anything I miss the atmosphere. Especially Chapel Hill, and around the Duke Campus. I was a UNC Chapel Hill baby. The day I was born my Mom tells me, I was born at UNC's Hospital, and on the TV that day the Tarheels were playing basketball. Micheal Jordan was playing and she could just go on with these stories.

She attended UNC while I was little. I remember going around the campus, and actually sitting in a few classes. My favorite place to eat up there is Breadmans not a year has gone by that I don'tgo up there.

I will end up moving back there to finish college I know, but for now I want to get my businesses established here in Atlanta and get them self suficient, and then start the exact same ones up there. As well as an additional few, so by the time I graduate I'll be making at least 6 figures. I do want to own a house while I am up there.

I know in my lifetime I will probably live back and forth between Atlanta and there. Just because Atlanta is a major power player in the South for business, and will generate me a lot of money in the not so distant future.

Sometime in my late 20's early 30's I can settle somewhere and build a home, and stay there.

Cheers,

T

At heart I'm an artist. Pure and simple I love elegance, beauty, and trying to simplify something most people perceive as complex, and can't comprehend. Since I was a tot I always excelled in the Fine Arts. The performing arts were never my cup of tea, even though I admire people for their diligence to follow their passion.

However as much as I try I can no longer pick up a brush, pen, or camera. My skills have been subdued by a force I can't even start to negociate with. Somewhere in the back of my mind my creativity switch has been flipped from innovative and spunky, to rational, logical, and emotionless. I just don't have writer block. I have a complete case of Artist's Block. My ability to get my point accross through creative means has been rendered useless.

Everytime I try to create a work of art I get some jobbled mess. A collection of unsorted thoughts thrown onto paper, or canvass that make no sense. There is no meaning behind them. This has been going on since late summer, and it's a major pain in the ass.

I just spent 15 minutes writing a post, and Mozilla FRACKED UP, and I lost it!!!

So tonight I had my first nonpainful run in almost 2 months. 3 weeks of no running was about to kill me, but now I'm back in the game. However I'm not going to return to my usual 5 mile nightly run anytime soon. I am gonna do 9 miles a week 3 times a week for the next 2 weeks, then go to 4 3 mile runs, then five 3 mile runs. Once I get there I will start upping it by one mile a week, I just don't want my feet to start hurting again.

I miss that rush of endorphins that makes me happier then anything. It's natures Prozac, but for anyone:) And excercising keeps me from falling over the edge.

Anyway I love running at night. I hate running during the day, during daylight hours. At night it is so beautiful. I just like to run, and keep my head lifted towards the heavens, and I always see a few falling stars. It's so relaxing.

I finally told Steven about Greg, at Starbucks this morning right before school. The first thing out of his mouth, " OMFG he did the same thing to me."

It took a minute to register but I finally realized Steven was Greg's Ex. Apparently Greg, has had slept around on Steven with Blake, and some guy named Hank. Whomever that maybe. I now know Greg at 18, has a had a least 5 different sex partners, and just went from a man-whore, to a dirty little slut.

Just something that made me shiver in my boots. I do not know if this information is accurate, nor did I write this. I just saw it floating around a myspace bulliton.


1) New York City has 11 letters

2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.

3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin
Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.

4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:

1) New York is the 11th state.

2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number
11.

3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11

4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers.
6+5 = 11

5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 = 11

6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
9 + 1 + 1 = 11.

Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. >2 + 5 + 4 = 11.

2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
Again 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.

3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.

4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers
incident.

>
>Now this is where things get totally eerie:
>
>The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic

>holy book:
>"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. he wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
>
>That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
>
>Still uncovinced about all of this..?! Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
>
>Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
>
>1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first
>plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
>
>2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
>
>3. Change the font size to 48.
>
>4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS

This guy, but who else, Bob! Sent me an Email a few days ago. I don't normally do this about Blogs, but I actually really enjoyed this one. He has some amazing computer graphic skills, one hell of an apartment, and by God his looks are pretty good to. He offers a wide array and assortment of blog entries to satisfy any taste. I enjoyed his blog, actually for a second it was about to dethrone Naked's Blog as my favorite.

So last week I did not go to WetBar. However tonight I did at a last minute spur of the moment type deal. To say the least this is a somewhat better expierience then my first few Gay Club Moments. Around 3 I came home and read an email saying they wanted to know if I wanted to go. So I called Steven, and he had never been. Plus I needed to borrow something to wear, because I own nothing club appropriate.

Around 9 we end up getting there. Wow, it was just as people I know described. AnF wanna be anerexic models walking around in boxer briefs( some of them should not be allowed to do that), dancing and the cutest bar tender I have ever seen. There was just the widest array of a sortment of guys. I really had a good time, and I did get alot of numbers. A few of which I am gonna consider calling. Around midnight Steven and I went outside for a breather. I had a good time dancing, and I think I felt more at ease with Steven there.

Then comes the few cons. I am pretty sure I saw a few people doing something in the corner, I felt like punching the snot out of this pudgy ass white guy in clothes to small for him by about 10 sizes that refused to leave me alone and stop touching me. I got offered to give 2 guys head, I refused each time, but one gentlemen kept raising his asking price everytime I said no, like it was some kind of auction. It went from 25, 35, all the way up to 65. If he had gone to 100 I would have done it, and his offer was tempting.

Will I go back? The answer is YEs, but not for a while. I'll go broke paying that damn bar tab. It was 18 dollars for me alone, and I had no cash. I couldn't pay with my credit card, my rents would be like WTF is this shit. Luckily some hot FILF(Father I Like Fucking, is that even an actual term?) took the tab for me. He handed me his number on his business card. I am gonna just send him cash UPS to refund him he said don't worry about it, but I will feel guilty. Althought I might call him to chill he was a nice guy. I would say early 30's.

Cheers,

T

Okay so the Ringling Brother Circus was awsome. Steven and I got front row seat in the center so we saw EVERYTHING! I love it, and I loved Bello, and that extremely cute tight rope walker, Alberto Aguilar. I love the Chinese Acrabat team, and the Tigers. I love the Circus.

Only thing that annoyed me, were these people standing outside protesting handing out flyers by the door. As we were entering they were playing a video on a laptop strapped to their chest, saying this is how they train the elephants. One of these people shoved a flyer into my hand, and I said no thank you, she shoved it again, and then a third time. I snapped at her, and said I didn't give a rats ass.

Fight for what you believe in, but don't shove some flyer in my hand 3 times in a row.

I've been going on Ebay, hoping to get Kathy Griffin tickets for her show here in Atlanta, in October. I just stumbled accross THIS!!!!! Right about now I wish I had hundreds of thousands of dollars to bid on this. Even though it's only up to 20k I sure it's gonna go higher. I really want a weekend with Kathy Griffin.

BTW I was looking over the top few bidders. And rest assured they are ALL gay. Just look at their purchase history. Versace belts, Versaci This, Prada that, I wish I could flaunt money around like that. Sigh, one of these days I will.

Here is an interesting but true fact. The ideal weight for a homosexual male for what is considered attractive and desired is 20 pounds lighter then that of a heterosexual male.

I have nothing to Blog, except me and Steven are going to the Circus...

Later

I'm gonna be writing my entry for HomoMojo's contest sometime later tonight. I guess this will be my shot at writing.

For almost all of my teenage existance I have been fighting an on going battle with myself. At the age of 13, I started skipping meals, and then it progressed to full blown bulimia. I was never the typical binge eater, in fact I have never binged. I would always eat normal sized meals then, about an hour after the meal I would vomit it up. I never had to use my finger down the throat, for some reason I discovered I had the uncanny ability to do it at will. My face never turned red, nor did my eyes. At 15 I was admitted to the hospital, and attended therapy for 3 months.( I was only in the hospital for a few days)

I was fine for about a year, then I left for my second yeah at Duke. The year before I had gained almost 10 pounds. I had decided that I was just gonna eat normal meals, but then it started again. For some reason I felt the complusive urge everytime I hate to do it. If I didn't I would get so depressed and moody. It started again at 15, and lasted until Christmas of my Freshmen year in high school. I ended up having an emotional break down to the one teacher I knew I could trust. She ended up helping me, and refering to an anymous group.

I was well for 6 more months then Duke started again. This time I kept my eating to small portions, but it just started again. It progressed until I started doing it 2-3 times a day again. A few weeks after Duke I sustained an injur where I gained almost 10 pounds. I lost it all plus about 5 more. My skin turned this pale yellow, and I reieved bags under my eyes. My eyes also had this light yellow pigmentation to it. Eventually I got myself to stop.

Last spring I started adopting really strict eating habits. At Duke this past summer I was so comsumed with making sure wasn't consuming to many calories. I become obsessed with my nutrition, and what I took in. The worst part is I was fairly skinny and I only weight 150 pounds. Over the course of that period I started running more and more. Now it has progressed to the point where if I skip a run, or workout I almost go insane. I honetly believe I have made myself become an excercise bulimic. I work at a local hotline for Eating Disorders here in Atlanta. I've been working there forever. I've never mentioned this because I am ashamed of it.

I don't know how it started. I do know I'm going to seek help from one of my Coaches tomarrow. Steven was the one who mentioned this to me tonight. I have never really thought I had these syptoms but I do. He told my he thought I had it, just because I am so frantic about my weight, calories, and excercise. After thinking about it for hours he's right. Tomarrow I am going to talk with my coach. I believe she can help me.

I have reached that point in my life where I have so much to to and not enough time. The last 3 months I have been having to survive off of 3-4 cups of coffee a day. Even at school I have to bring my instant coffee and make it between classes, or just bring a thermos. I don't like this, but I just don't have enough time.

There are so many things I love about Steven. I love the way he talks, he walks, and the fact he loves Anna Nalick, more then me. It took me several weeks of knowing Greg to get into any in depth discussions, we are very well connected.

I think one of the main differences is the kiss. I never really enjoyed kissing with Greg, there just was no pleasurable sensation there for me. With Steven I love it. It's almost like an addiction of sorts.

So I was wanting to talk more with Steven, and I thought it would be nice if I actually understood something about Jewish Beliefs. Honestly I know next to nothing except they don't believe Christ was God's son, they use the old testament only, and thats about all. So I wanted to read up on it, to show that I actually embrace that about him...

I typed in Basis Of Jewish Religion and like the first 4 sites were something like, " Keeping an Eye On Jews", " Jews the New Conspiracy Theory", and so on. Like so many websites were bashing them. I still haven't found a decent site yet. It just upsets me that people still are so anti-symatic about things...

Right now I'm sitting in Honors Micro Biology, my teacher is about to bore the hell out of me. Thank God he let us bring laptops today so I can talk to Steven. I miss him badly, although his reponse to AIM is slow on his cell phone...

A few months ago I had this kick ass sweet idea for a business. Well today I recieved my Incorporation in the mail, tomarrow I will get my Lisense, and then later on this week I will get bonded and Insured. I started advertising this by just sticking up some flyer at work, and other places. As of today I have 3 twice a week clients, and 2 once a week clients. I am not going to tell you what it is for my own personal and privacy reasons, but they all love it. 5 more clients and I'm quitting my job, tomarrow I'm going to be standing outside with a sign, and a rented mascot uniform.

Cheers,

T

While Steven is no Greg, he does have a lot more wit and charm then Greg ever did. I love him as a person, and I about died when he told me he was Jewish. I love that fact about him, we both have a subcription for Forbes, and the Wall Street Journal, and both of us want to major in Finances, or Economics. He's so well educated, and attends Stanfords Summer Camp Program, just like I attend Duke's. I ended up spending Friday, and Saturday with him watching CBNC, and mainly the Fabulous Suze Orman he has on his Tivo( thats my idea of romance). We both love Robert Kiyosaki, and get this... He is an accomplished gymnast like myself, and a runner. He is so awsome at front tumbling, and he has a double punch out, and a forward full. He is so beautiful 5-9, dark hair and dark eyes, built like a damn tank, and boy he has the most beautiful teeth. We have the weirdest discussions, ex. Jeffrey Skilling and Lay the Enron CEO's now on trial, we had a 2 hour conversation on our preferred BlueChip Stocks. and about Qualcomm...

When he reaches out to touch me I don't flinch, like a kid on crack. He actually doesn't say anything about these 6 inch surgery scars on my right shoulder. Greg always made comments about them. He also rides horses, and not just horses he rides Western, and does Barrels like me. He has adores Waffle House and Cracker Barrel, and loves Southern Food more then me. He drives a Ford f-150 which I love, and in it he has Diana Krall, Jamie Cullum, and Norah Jone's CDs.

Then we get to the dorkus part. Like me he also has a 5 year projection plan for his Financial Situation. We actually ended up exchanging them and reviewing them at Starbucks. We both love the White Mochas with three packs of Equal.

However I am not sure if I am putting myself on a pedastool, and that I'm just so high I can't come down right now. I am not sure if I am creating a false sense of Euphoria about something that is to good to be true. I am not sure if I'm digging myself a grave, as the choir voices their own opinion. Truly I'm caught in a continious battle with my rational mind, and the ever present emotional band wagon that doesn't seem to stop following. Honestly I'm not sure if I should go with my heart, or my emotionless rational mind, and throw away the key. Perhaps this sense of happiness is just a hallucination created by my mind, because I am still not admitting I want Greg back. Honestly I don't know.

So my gym has this new guy Steven. Last night we were working on one mans, and he is new to this. Here is our conversation...

Him: Ugh, this hurts so badly.
Me: Keep your leg tight Chrissy your gonna kill him. Pull up..
Him: This still hurts.
Me: Come on you've done this a million times.
Him: Never in this position before...;)

Just the way he said it. He was implying sex, and I knew it. He's so cute thought, but he reminds me so much of Greg, and I just don't wanna date another Greg.

Although we haven't even hardly said a word to each other. He just knows somehow he knows, and I think it's because I kept staring at him. I'm going to be meeting up with him this afternoon for lunch, somewhere up at Lenox Square I'm not sure exactly yet. I'll let ya know how things go.

Although I do still feel for Greg. I would take him back in a heart beat if I knew he could change, but I just don't think he can. I still can't bring myself to delete his number from my phone. Everytime it says are you sure, I click NO. I just can't do it, and a part of me feels like seeing Steven today would be betrayal. Even though it was a month ago me and Greg broke up. God gave me some screwed up emotions when it comes to dealing with things. I always told myself I could keep my mind clear, but when it comes down to it, I just can't.

The shooting at the Puzzles Lounge, in MA is really bone chilling to me. I know it could happen anywhere, but the least likely place I would ever have expected would be in the Northeast. I mean I know there are always gonna be bigots out there, but people up North are just so much more accepting. Perhaps I need to get more cultured.

Mr. President you really are the worlds largest Nimrod aren't you? You kinda remind me of Nimrod from that show Surface. You have a lot in common to...

1) You pose the greatest threat to the security of man kind, and the world as we know it.
2)No matter how much we want you gone, you just don't seem to go away. I bet if you died, you would just come back to life, and be even more of a bitch.
3)You tend to look like him to. Except he's a much cuter version of you, and I would so have sex with him any day of the week over you. Even you your name is Bush, your lacking in size where Nimrod makes up.


Your State Of The Union address was the most pathetic I have ever seen.Personally the only reason you are President is because you want to impress Daddy. You hate Gays, Minorities, and everyone. You're a Christian based Conservative Leader, which is probably the worst combination possible. In my opinion if Hitler and a Monkey had a baby you would be the damn outcome. You show no respect for any group other then your own, and your so damn closed minded. Just wait till they find the " Gay" gene. Your gonna have to rethink your whole basis and platform as President.

I have absolutely no clue why I wrote this. I'm on my period today.

The damn groundhog mole thing, saw his damn shadow... GRRRR.... At least CNN said it's gonna be 6 more weeks of a mild winter.