A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

I suppose I thought once I turned 18, and came out of the closet life itself would magically spit me out some kind of plan for life. A step by step " How To Guide" of navigating GAY-T-L, finding love, finishing school, and everything else life has to offer... As children and teenagers grow up, we have to get ourselves out of the mental mindset of " I know what I want, and I want it now..." We are used to getting results in the here, and now, and hate waiting. Over the last few years I have come to realize this, and I believe I am finally coming out of that mindset. I have come to learn patience( to a degree), and not to expect people to meet up to my expectations of them, I have had to relearn what rejection means in the sense of romance, and what rejection feels like on the professional level. I have had to come to terms that I am a mortal soul, who will someday seize to exist, and am starting to realize what matters the most in living life to the fullest is my ow

You know that saying, " Even in a crowded room, you can feel so alone?" I never knew what people ment by that exactly. Now I very aware though of how isolated I am in the scene of GAY-T-L. I was raised Mormon, I think I have been through a lot in my life, but also I know a lot of people have. These events even though not the best, have created the man I am to oneday become. I am believe when I become a man, which in my book includes a bachelors, a full head of hair, and being over 24 years of age, I will be very proud. But on the Friday night of Pride, I decided to go in full out DRAG to Pride Prom. I thought I did a pretty damn decent job, I do decent makeup, and I had a gorgeous dress, handbag, wig, etc... Well I get there and everyone is like OMG you look great. So I was like"YAY!" Well as the evening passed( ALL 1 HOUR OF IT!), I decided I wanted to go Wild Mustangs. Well I had noone to go with, and I ran into someone I had not seen in a year. They tagged along

So another two weeks have come and gone in the life of T. Nothing very excited has happened that I can think of really. Besides that fact that I went on a horrible date! So, I started a new job a few weeks ago. I was walking around the complex, and I met this other guy... Obviously he was gay! So we talked, and he seemed sweet, but a little nerdy. He was kinda cute in a weird geeky way, so I decided to go on a date with him that evening. Well I meet him at work, and then we drive to his place. It was a nice little apartment thing, and he was talking all happy and everything. He was not sure where to take me, but I love sushi and he knew this cool little sushi place. We get there, and they know him by name. (Joseph is his name sorry!) We small talk, he talks about his best friend Rachel who is just so Glamorous. This that and the other, and it wasn't awkward silence kinda date, just friendly talk. At this point I wasn't really digging it, but I needed some! Like it has been a w

God, do I ever love Russian men, there is just something so about them! As you can see from a random Google search to the left! I want to go to Russia next summer to Moscow State University and study Russian. My Mother, is absolutely baffled by the idea, and thinks I would do better staying at home. However, if I save up for the trip, and pay for it myself what can the woman say! Her reasons are the Russian Mob, Communists, Terrorists, and the fact that I do not speak Russian. Her reasoning is I am Hispanic, so therefore I must speak Spanish! She is fine with me backpacking Central America for a month, with less then mediocre Spanish skills. Staying in a third world country, shitty hostels, riding third world buses, going to villages in the middle of nowhere, and being out contact from the civilized for for days on end! So, there you have another attempt at Mothers reason! Back to my main point... I have always had a random fascination with Russia. I remember watching Anastasia the mov

Bois are an enigma to myself. Being one, I thought I would have a little bit of luck understanding one. However, such a philosophy in the gay scene of GAY-T-L, just doesn't hold true. Bois come and go like the wind, a whisper in my hear. Hoping I can understand them when heard, but they turn out to be nothing more then murmurs. However, if there is one thing I have learned it is this. Bois like to screw with your mind, they lure you into this trap they have setup. Flirting with you across the room, sending you those glances, and then that little smirk. Which I have determined means I want to fuck you, not get to know you. Those quickie fucks can be fun though, and many times it turns into many quickie fucks. So, a sigh of relief to the fact that I do get some action. The older I get though, the stronger the urge is to find someone compatible with myself. I've had one boyfriend, and that lasted a few month. I was 16 or 17, and still in the closest, and that boi moved far away.

The spring of 2007 was my final year in cheerleading, but I stayed active. Through the summer I stayed active, but I continued to eat a lot. I kept my weight somehow in a checks and balances... Well August rolls around, and I start college. I was only part time taking 9 credit hours, not a full course load, but a lot on top of my my full time work schedule. I found a way to balance it... September comes, and we move into a new house. It is a beautiful house, only problem it's 30 minutes away from the nearest gym. Frantic I suck it up, and manage to get in the gym 3 days a week. Well I gained a 8 pounds when finals, papers, and work got tough from October-December. Then I leave to backpack Mexico for 3 weeks. It was a great expiereance, and the food was OMG. It was so OMG when I got back on January 11th, I weighed 148... I have continued to eat like a bottomless pig, and this morning my weight hit 150.1 LBS. Not only is this not going to fly, it's going to all go away. My ass lo

2 nights ago I was editing my template, and I screwed it up... I lost my links, and my favorite template I spent hours figuring out about 2 years ago!

Okay, I 've had the worst 2 days in a long ass time... Here is how it has gone down. Yesterday, I was going to work, and got pulled over for speeding. The cop was nice enough to drop it town from 14 over to 11 over to keep points of my record. Then about 4 hours later I was backing out of the driveway for work, and I ran into a tree now the back of my truck is dinged up to hell. Finally, I went to get gas yesterday, and paid $60 cash inside. After I paid I went to the bathroom, and went back out to my truck. I hopped in, and just drove off. After realizing what I did almost 20 minutes later I went back, and someone had used my gas. They couldn't refund it... Then today I had to be at class at 8AM for a field trip I have been looking forward to for eons. Well what in the damn hell do you think happens? They cancel the trip at 10 AM this morning, and it will be at least 5 months before they can reschedule...( This isn't that bad, I just wanted to go on this trip!) On another

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I am 19, going to be 20 in March. I have had one boyfriend in my entire life, and that lasted all of a few weeks. Even more, it was almost 3 years ago. Is that weird? For some reason in the "Gay World", young gays have the extreme habit of always finding the one they love, the one they wanna spend the rest of their life with, and just "THE ONE" in general. They meet some guy within 2 weeks they are boyfriends, within a month it's " I <3 U" text messages, within 3 months they are living together, and by month 5 they are broken up, and the drama begins. By month 6 the cycle has repeated itself, and there is another " Mr. Right." I am not gonna lie, more then anything I want someone to share something with. I want someone to build a future with, and I date people, and I meet people. Some of them are very attractive, others of them not so much, but I do give them a shot. There was one guy I fell for, he was slightly below my tastes, but gos hi