A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

I am not fat, and most people think I'm skinny. However when I go to competitions for cheerleading I can't help but feel large. The majority of the guys there are these built hot hunks with6 packs and wear these tight ass shirts. I have a tight uniform and people tell me I look fine, but all I can seem to focus on is how I seem to large to fit in it. The girls comments also piss me off. As of tomarrow I am on a strict diet. 1500 calories a day, 3 mile run everyday, and practice 3 days a week. the next competition is 14 days away. In that time frame I will have have lost a least 5 pounds, and most likely more. I am gonna go from from a 21% BMI to a 17% BMI by the end of November, and once Christmas rolls around it will be town to 12%.

In the next 6 months my Dad is gonna get my me a new car for college. I have narrowed it down to two choices. The new Mustang or the Chevy HHR. Now here is my delima. The new Mustang are rocking, sweet, and the ultimate status symbol for a young driver. At the other end the HHR is the most logical. It has great storage, awsome gas mileage, can seat 5 people very nicely, and the insurance is nothing on it. Also it is somewhat cheaper then the Mustang by a few thousand dollars. However the Mustang is my dream car, and I think I would look so hot driving it. But when I think about it.... Where am I gonna store stuff when I come home to visit from college? Why would I pay almost 200 dollars more a month in insurance, why would I cram my friends into it's tiny back seat( trust me the new Mustang backseats are no different then my 97). Mustangs truly have not changed in their nature since 97 the model I have. I couldn't care my car to college, it just wouldn't work. So the HHR is

It's Halloween. One of my favorite holidays. Since I did not go to Sean last weekend to the club with his boyfriend. I went out tonight with some friends. I had no costume I was just gonna in a T-shirt or something. I was standing in line at Party City this afternoon getting some liguid fog and I saw a makeup kit. I bought one for bullet holes, and another for full face make up. I took the fake blood and rubbed my hand in it all over an old tee. Then I had this kickass zombie face. People loved it when we were going around. Taking pictures and little children hated it. I was known as the bloody guy. We decided to take my car since it's a convertible. I drive a black 97 Mustang, which I love. After a while though this getting in and out of the car, just stopped. So we walked for almost 3 hours, I got a shitload of candy. I had a fun night, and next year I am going to the clubs. Also I saw 4 shooting stars tonight. I have seen an unusual number of them lately, I have 8 logged I

Compeitition went well this weekend. My team got first out of 8 in our division, and I still can;t throw my tumbling because of mental blocks. I will post some pictures sometime next week.

As I was writing the last post I received a call from my Mom. She was at the doctor, and they were gonna do a CT scan, today and she was going in for some kind of treatment. Basicly they were doing a full examination, to check the actual status of the cancer. News There has been a reduction of 5% in the size of the main tumor, and one of the smaller ones has decreased in size by 30%, with the other two have decreased by about 5% as well. I am extremely thrilled about this, she said X-Rays don't give you a clear few of the tumors, so the when the doctors see it they don't see any decreasment in their size. I am just so excited. If the treatments keep on this well, the doctor wants to opperate and remove the 3 biggest ones in December. Cheers, T

Yesterday, this blog was featured on Best Gay Blogs . I am kinda thrilled they enjoyed it enough to post it, but also at the same time I am baffled at how they stumbled accross it. Erg... It's cool though.

School is out for today. Greg called me this morning, and asked if I wanted to go hangou,t he was bored. I met him up at Out Write( Atlanta's gay cafe and bookstore). We just talked for the longest time. I was getting so drawn into him. He is about 5'5 dark brown hair, and skin, has these beautiful deep green eyes that seem to change shades. He is so cute, not just cute, but uber hot. We left around noon, and I was just shocked that time went by so quickly. We talked about everything mainly our team and gym and the competition in 5 days. I love him he is so awsome and I just get so drawn into him everytime I am around. Enough to the point where I say things I wouldn't normally say. I seem to change who I am when I am around him. He goes " Yeah I am thinking about the type of car I want for college I think I want a green 05 mustang." I replied, " Yeah, I love them they are so tight." I hate the colour green. With a passion I hate it. I don't even own

I couldn't resist...

Someone sent me this joke... GAY BOYS Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free." The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs." The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about

I was finally able to get in touch with someone this morning. Backstory- Growing up my Mom kept in touch with her friends from BYU. One of them was an attorny out west. Well I would go with her when she would go out there for business. This man had 2 sons, one a rebel, and another what the Mormon Church would call a blessing sent from god. Eventually my Mom got to the point where she doesn't soeak to this man anymore, nor his family. Except she keeps in touch with someone she was friends with in his office. A few months ago I finally found out that perfect son was gay. He came out after he returned from his Mission. I have spent months trying to get in contact with him. Present- A few days ago I finally looked on classmates.com. I found his contact information. I emailed him, and asked him how things went with his family.He remembered who I was. His family kicked him out of the house, they refused to pay for his college. His father sent him to a Mormon turn straight program called

I had the strangest dream last night. So strange I have been thinking about it all day. Here is why it is so weird and I will try to explain it the best I can. For one it only involved people I know through the internet, AIM buddies, chat buddies, blogs I read, and even people via this blog. Yes, some of you people who are frequent visitors and commentors of this blog were in it. It took place at a resort, maybe a hotel resort or conference room and it was a huge celebration for something maybe a charity event. I could see Palm trees and stuff in the background, and hear the ocean so I take its near the ocean. There was no roof it was a clear night with a breeze, there was a band playing the background. There were tons if people I know from online there. I was talking with them all, I want to say who I saw there, but ya'll might think I'm crazy. Even people I have never seen pictures of I knew exactly who they were, and I can see what they look like as clear as day even thou

I hear all this hype about gay rights marriage, adoption, and everything else that straight people get. The fact is most gay people want it, but I don't. When I find someone that I love and decide I will get married, have a ceramony I mean. I won't ever sign on the dotted line of a marriage certificate even when it becomes legal. Even though you love somone, you can love them. A marriage certificate is basicly a contract stating that is something happens to your lover it is your liability. Or if it doesn't work out you have to give them half of everything. Which on paper from my standpoint does not sound to smart. I plan on making multimillion in my lifetime and if somettime in my mid 30's it doesn't workout. They aren't getting half of anything, their ass can make their own money. Or if they die, I am not going to be responsible for their medical bills. No way Jose. Then comes the scenario what if something happens to me like I end up in a Coma or something ha

April 20, 1999, is a day I barely remember. I remember seeing on the news a school shooting, and my fourth grade teacher explaining something about school shootings to us. It wasn't until 5 years later I had a teacher I loved. She told us a story about Columbine and of Rachel Joy Scott, who died that day. I read all I could and I can say that I touched by it. So soon after Rachel's Challenge came to our school, and I have met her father Darrell Scott, and sister Dana Scott twice. I see them everytime they come to our area for seminar or anything along those lines. I can tell you every soul who lost a life that day, who they were, what they did, etc. I can tell you the time frame of the school shootings, and outcomes. Columbine should never have happened. But in a sense so much good came out of it, that it's not funny. 13 souls died, but countless more were saved by lives being touched who stopped other events like this from happening. At the same time Eric Harris and Dylan

My Aunt cared me to the doctor this morning. He said I had a inner ear canale ear infection and the fluid behind the eardrum was causing the pain. I asked for a shot, and he gave me a penecillin shot, and a RX for some pain killers. I feel better I have had the medecine in me for a few hours.

On a lighter note, I quite my job last night. I just can't take dealing with little brats and their children, plus I learned all I can from there. One of these days I will use that places concept and create my own company similar to it, and run them out of business HAHAHAHAHAH.... I'm being serious... But for the time being, one of my friends is selling his DJ Equipment. It's the whole nine yards, even though I don't know what the hell to do with it for 300 Dollars. I am highly considering purchasing it. He bought it all for 800 and afer 2 months was not making any money, so he is selling it. I believe I can market it, and I have my Moms knack for business, and my Dad's ambition. His market strategy was just to walk around with business cards and placed them at Party-City and on bullitien boards. If I get some magnetic signs made and place them on ym car, flyers and place them on bulletin boards, and get a ad in the paper and signs that I can place by roads I think

I just woke up and I feel like shit. I have a temperature of 100.5, my ear is killing me and is swollen out, and my head is pounding. Probably another ear infection, and I have an appointment with the doctor in 2 hours. I'm just gonna ask for a shot of antibiotics I don't feel like waiting for 2 days for the symptoms to start and clear.

I have two things which are on my mind tonight. One, I went out jogging later then usual and only did 2 miles. When I was running I saw a couple standing outside argueing yelling at the top of their lungs. I could hear them with my Ipod turned all the way up. Cussing, screaming, and you the deal. I blew it off thinking they will make up. On my second mile around I saw the man yell at her, and she said something to him. He smacked her down, and hit her again. He turned around and saw me jogging, and gave me the most evil stare, while his wife was on the ground in the garage crying holding her head. I have never wittnessed anything like this, and I feel so shakin by it. I could have done something to stop it, but I couldn't I ran home, and took a shower. These people however are not from America, they are foreigner from somewhere in South America. They were screaming in Spanish, so I could understand a great deal. I just feel terrible, sick to my stomach, and shakin. It is so wrong

I was running tonight did 5 miles in 60 minutes I have never ran 5 miles before non stop. When I finally got done, I came in vomitted my ass off. I had a fever, and my Mom took me to the emergency room, where I was on IV fluids for 2 hours. I am feeling better now, but the doctor said I should have not done that. I wasn't getting enough fluids, and the cold air outside my my lungs go hay wire. I am feeling better now I am gonna go sleep the rest of this off.

Erg... The competition falls the day Sean and Alejandro are going to Chaperlla forHalloween. So I am not going, but I am going to some party with friends at a school. Which should be pretyt tight, I can't however wear Spider-Man there.

The Video Ipod , whoever buys this technological marvel in my opinion is an idiot. What use would you have for watching videos, on this little ass 2 inch screen?!? I could not use it while jogging, driving, at the gym, cheerleading, or any other activity. The only time I would use it was when I would be sitting down, and if I were sitting down I have a TV and a Laptop with screens 10x's this size. I want a nano, but I will never purchase the Ipod video!!! Cheers, T

Here is my 23rd post - 5th sentence: I hope this isn't a case of death comes in three's. Aw, I loved Peter Jennings. Rules:1) Go into your archives. 2) Find your 23rd post. 3) Find the fifth sentence (or closest to it.) 4) Post the text of your sentence in your blog along with these rules. 5) Tag five other people. 10) Naked, Ryan,Tay, JJ and Swordspoint

12 Days to competition and I skill can't throw any of my skills I already have. I have to get them back, They take off so many points the judges if I don't, and I had them 6 months ago. Mental blocks are a bitch, and I know I can throw it, but I just freeze up even with a spot after 1 or 2. Mike said last night repetition is key to getting it back. He's an awsome coach. Most of you have never been to a cheerleading competition. So that weekend I will post lots of pics for ya'll. Cheers, T

My favorite coach at my gym was sad today. I asked him why, and his mother has cancer. My Mom has been receiving treatments for something called HydroColonics, which is basicly an advanced colon cleansing. Effective I believe, and there has been a change in her condition. Nothing major but there has been no further current development of cancer spreading, and she seems everyday to be just feeling better. I am grateful for this deeply. But Mike the coach I gave him a card for the hydrocolonics place, and he did this weird arm hand shake pat thing. I love him he is awsome, and he's gay, but like 15 years my senior. He is so hot though. I have a feeling his mom is going to be okay. Also I was posting signs up today for my cat Trouble. And I saw a sign for a lost pit-bull, well I called them and described Blu. My brothers were all crying when they came and picked her up finds out her name is Dixie. They gave us a 50 dollar reward, so to cheer up the bros I took them out and bought then

I went out to eat yesterday twice. First time to Olive Garden which I love and was awsome I got the all you can east soup, salad, and bread sticks as usual. Then went to this nice place called Wings and THings, and I have to tell you about our waiter. He was the hottest country stud about 6-1, all muscle, country accent, blue eyes, and this short blonde hair, and he had this chizzled ass face. I would have taken him home then and their but I am sure he was straight *sigh* Also went to the mall and got DHT- Listen To Your Heart CD, and I have not put it down yet.

2 Nights ago I was taking the trash out, and my kitten whosa year old ran out the door when it didn't close all the way. I tried chasing him, but soon lost him. I have not seent Trouble in 2 days, and I am worried sick. I love my cat, I have had him since I found him in a garbage can at work.

Great news, the divorce went well. I think mainly because the Judge was hard core raised in the South, and my Moms now EX, was from Seattle and kept pissing him off. Har Har, I love the South.

I am up early getting ready for court. Nothing bad, actually something great. This is THE divorce between my Mom and my evil asshole Stepdad. To tell you the truth I am very nervous, but I have faith. This asshole went running around on her, he was into some frekay shit on the computer, and god damn didn't work and blew money out the ass. He was from Seattle when they met and 1 1/2 years later they were married. You don't know peoples true secrets until after your married. I will say he was a freak there is nothing wrong with D&D, and comic books. We later found out after he left while getting his computer searched he has been having sex with local women, and living out weird fantasies about torture binds, group sex, all of kinds of weird shit. I will let you know how it goes. Also I am changing the music video to the right, to what I am not sure yet. Any suggestions? Cheers Loves, Tragedy

There are lots of things in life I can't stand, but the thing I hate the most is when people use my things, and eat my food. EX. Every weekend I go to the grocery store and buy my own groceries. I buy me veggie burgers, wraps, produce, low calorie juices, and snacks, and mainly health food. I come home today and what do I see in the kitchen? My little brothers with 4 neighborhood friends, sitting at the table eating burgers, and chips. I didn't think much of it at first, but it made me want a veggie burger. Well God Damnit, I go to the fridge and there is only 2 left from a packet of 8, I was like WTF, and then I go and look in the cabinet. My veggie chips were gone. I could have ripped their heads off, they were drinking my Minute Maid Light, and one of them even had the nerve to try my freshly made Green Tea from this morning that was in a pitcher in the fridge. He didn't like it so he poured it down the sink..... They wont be coming over for a while I am sure On another

I just received the oddest email, and in fact it has me in a rut, on how to reply. Hey *****, How are you? I’m doing great. I'm a gay guy and I saw your ad on XY. Would you be interested in talking some about what God says about homosexuality? If so, please respond. I promise you that I really AM gay if you are having doubts about that. Have a great day and I hope you will email me back soon. :) Rick This email has me pondering a hell of alot of questions. 1) Why would he want to discuss what God says about gays? 2) Why would a gay guy refer to being gay as " homosexuality" they always say gay, we are to lazy to type and say that big word? 3) Why does he mention twice that he is gay, when the hell have you ever seen a straight guy on a gay personals site? 4) Why does he say he knows he is gay, if I have any doubts? I truly have been caught with my pants down. This makes no sense to me, I have read it so far about 9 times. Should I reply? What should I say?

On another note my gym also has about 8 gay guys. And it amazing how straight girls are always going, " Damn I want him, gay guys are so fine." And no lie they are. But it amazed me how when one comes out of the closet then all of a sudden they notice him and want him so badly. Ex. Branden. He was always cute, but once he was like look I like guys. Damn did his style change, his music tastes, phsysical look. He got highlights got so tanned and is just to drool for. It made me think he was always like this, but was afraid to show it. I am the same way. I have my stylish look, what most people would call gay music, and a straight act.I love Aqua, DHT, and techno dance its the best. I also love fashion shows and have a secret passion for ballet. The reason I bring this up. I was at practice tonight and I had my Ipod plugged in playing a playlist. The girls decided they wanted to mess with it and change the song, and well as they were. They turned to techno playlist and the f

I don't eat any kind of meat besides Chicken and Fish. Well this morning I was at a friends house and his parents were cooking a big breakfest. So they invited me to join and I accepted, figured I could just eat some eggs and toast. Well there are no eggs just pancakes and saugage, bacon, and something they called Brown Bites. I couldn't refuse her food it would just be to rude. So she put some on my plate and I was just tinkering with it. She said is it fine, and I picked up a big piece of bacon and tooka bite. It thought I was gonna vomit, same thing with the sausage. So I left in a hurry and as I pulled over about a miles down the road and threw up. I just can't eat it, it grosses me out. I mean I feel sorry for the pigs and cows and stuff, but just the way the meat is handled and stuff at the warehouse. Ewwww.... I can thank petatv.com for this.

I was just reading a blog and I saw the word Flabbergasted... It made me think what an odd sounding word, I think I'm gonna use it tomarrow On another note I recieved my Spider-Man costume and when I put it on..... Lets just say I am going on a decreased calorie diet, also I got this years new cheerleading uniform and I am also going on a diet for it

Okay so here are some pics taken about 10 minutes ago, of Blue. This poor dog, my brothers yanked her out of my room last night. She has had her named changed 5 times from the little one wanting Fishstick. Yes, Fishstick they were calling the dog Fishstick for almost 2 hours, then it changed to Buddha, and Doodie. Then to two names which I can't pronounce nor spell, finally someoone came up with Blue. I hope this one stays it's not horrific like the others. So to go on, I come home and the little bro has a pink ribbon around her neck, and has painted her toe nails this ugly ass blue. How he got the dog to stand still I do not know. But here she is.

I was thinking today I heard someone I knew refer to their boyfriend as " Partner". Above all things in the Gay world this has become the common thing to call your significant other. Or the other terms " Life Partner" " Family Partner" or " Significant Other" etc. I personally hate this term "Partner". I think it lacks emotion, affection, and love towards the person you are using it to refer to. I would never call the person I was in love with " Partner". It will either be boyfriend, fiance, or husband. I swear to you if they ever called me that I would open up a can of whoop ass. I just think it's degrading and shows a complete lack of respect, love, and loyalty to you boyfriend, or husband. But thats just me!

Guess what? Yesterday my brother brings a stray dog home, he found up by the school. I believe she's a bit pull, shes sweet, and it appears she has been nursing. But she is so thin, fleas were all over he so we gave her some front line, and I gave her a bath and brushed her teeth. She knows how to sit, and roll over, and his house broken, but she has been in the elements for some time. We decided to keep her, well my brothers pissed because the dog follows me everywhere. And is laying against my side now as I write this. So I have decided to name her Salem, and I am not sure why. It just seems to fit. Cheers, T

I stole this from one of my friends Live Journals and it amuses me, because its so true!!! by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings". 3. There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness. 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 7. Never lick a steak knife. 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggest that yo

I love it when Michelle Branch, and Carlos Santana team up to do a song. I loved " Game Of Love" about 3 years ago, and I have always adored Michelle Branch even though she has shrunk out of the spot light some. There new song " I'm Feeling You", is just awsome. I need another song to replace " Breathe 2 AM", even though I adore Anna. I think I might do " I'm Feeling You". Cheers, Tragedy

I recieved a call today from my Dad. He was pissed, he saw on TV where the Brazilian Futbol team bowed down on the ground to David Beckham. My dad played professional futbol for 4 years back in Peru, in the early 80's. He was cussing saying, " I shall never bow to a white man, they can go fuck themselves, Brazil should be ashamed of themselves. Latins shall never snoop to this level" Or something along those lines. I added Brazilians are hispanics, and he sad true latins speak spanish. On another note this is a story with me and my dad. We were in NC a year ago and I was with him after a bad storm came and knocked a bunch of limps on the ground and made a mess. So me and him picked them up and stuck them in a trailer, pulling it behind his brand new escalade to the dump. Well when we got there we were all dirty and sweaty and looked like hired labor for the day. This woman comes up to us, and says, " When you get done with that job, heres my card call me. My yard is

I just woke up to get a call from my Dad a few minutes ago. I rarely talk to the man, even though I don't like him. I still have a desire to be like him in life. Minus the drunk part. He calls me up and asks, " Alejandro Christmas is coming up, what do you want." I thought about it for a minute, knowing I'm not bound by the financial restriction with him most kids are. I am the mans only child and even though he rarely speaks with me, he does treat me very well. He has bent over backwards to help me. And I respect that for him. I thought about it a minute, and I have always asked to have 3 childhood scars removed. I told him thats what I wants the big one removed from my right shoulder, the right side of my stomach, and yhe top left of my chest. These scars are bad to me, they are pale and just so wide. I've had them for years, and I went earlier this spring to get an estimate. The Doc who is a a very good one, and expierienced told me about 1500 Dollars. Which i