A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

Very rarely do I see a blog worth mentioning in this, besides the ones in my blogroll. Whoever this is a very original blog, and one worth reading. It's called " Letters To Zac ." Cheers, T

Tonight I met a guy. He was silent at first in our discussion group, a gay group might I add. We were sitting there, talking about what ever. He was so cute sitting there, and then towards the end we smiled at each other a few times. Towards the we were leaving and he was following me and the instructor I assume. The instructor said, " Goodbye" and then he turned to me and said, " I'll see you later." I had just gotten the courage to run up to him and ask him if he wanted to go to Starbucks when..... Someone started talking to me. I couldn't be rude and just run out the door. So for 2 minutes we talked, and I ran around for about 10 minutes looking for this guy. The other guys there all wanted my number but I didn't want to give it to him... I wanted this guy's number and his only.... Sigh, this happens whenever I see a cutie.

I am so sick of giving my heart to someone and being in that euphoric, "Everything is Grand O'le Great" state of mind. I am sick of giving myself to someone and have them kick me to the curb like dog shit. I am sick of calling and calling any guy I talk to, and either them try to fuck me, or never call me back. I am sick of having a great conversation with a guy only to have then jump up and talk to the next best thing in line. The fact is I had sex with Greg 4 months ago. It was great because I felt something for him.I don't like being close to someone if there is no connection there. I have no desire for sex, until I know I feel something for someone. I am fine with my left hand and Sean Cody, and Corbin Fisher.... I am going to give up the hopes of finding some Abercrombiehott ass guy, in hopes of falling in love, and becoming a Stepford Fag. I am no longer attracted to these kinds of guys because all they want is Party, Sex, and well sex.... I want that genuine bo...

I am going to stop posting so many day to day posts about everything that happens in my life. I am going to however start posting posts mainly about my growth and expieriences in the Gay World. So instead of updating 2-3 times a day, expect more like 4-5 times a week. I think it will make the blog more interesting, and not so full of crap. I am however going to be going to the Youth Pride dance this Friday in Atlanta. Cheers, T

Last night I went to the GA Tech Gay Pride Par-Tay, well thats what they called it. Anyway it really was a blow, I went with a guy I met at Youth Pride. He is so sweet, and his friends were all really good to me. I hardly ever drink and when I do it is maybe a glass or so of wine. However I had what they called, "2 tall shot glasses", of straight up vodka I believe. The shit burned like hell both times going down my throat. I have learned from then when I drink I go from pretty much straight acting to a total trannie, whatever that means I still don't know. Apparently I say such things at , " Hunny, Bitch, Whatever,...." and such gay queen lingo. I don't really remember this.... I do know by the time I have sobered up they were leaving for the Party. The dancing sucks, and in fact I hate dancing. I stand there with 2 guys on each side of me just going back and forth. I would rather be at work. Well there was this adorably quiet guy standing by the enterance...

I really don't know who I am. I constantly struggle with myself to define who I am, and for noone but myself. I think about things I am sure most people my age don't think about. I am secretly a geek, and I love Dungeons and Dragons, Star Trek, Battle Star Galactica, HALO, Star Craft, and other nerdy SciFi gigs. I am overly critical of things and people, and highly judgemental, and I have high standards for myself and others around me. I don't really gossip, if I have something to say, I say it to your face. I love the colours blue and black together, and I find the colour green repulsive. I really don't know how to spell the word colour, so I spell it colour and color.... I would define myself as an artist with a massive artists block, and a businessman. I love business and money issues. I am not sure why exactly I have always been good with money, and making it and coming up with new concepts, and understanding the philosophy of money has always been in my art. I also...

For the longest time even though I have finally admitted I was gay to myself. I still have felt like I am the Sinners Saint in the eye's of God. I still felt the burden that I am gonna go to hell. I still feel guilty for something I know I cannont help. It's not a choice, but who I am. Nothing can change that. I have always felt like I was in this battle for myself. That along the way I would have no true allies in the world.... However I have heard of a place called Youth Pride here in Atlanta. My Mom is out of town on business, and my brothers were at something for school. I had a chance to go so I went. I felt nervous there, when I first arrived. I asked some guys sitting downstairs where 18-24 year olds where. The just said find the biggest group they change rooms often,. I went in the was so nervous and shaky the first 30 minutes there. The first guy who was very kind just said sit down. There was another guy accross the room, and he was just talking and I was silent for...