Youth Pride
For the longest time even though I have finally admitted I was gay to myself. I still have felt like I am the Sinners Saint in the eye's of God. I still felt the burden that I am gonna go to hell. I still feel guilty for something I know I cannont help. It's not a choice, but who I am. Nothing can change that. I have always felt like I was in this battle for myself. That along the way I would have no true allies in the world....
However I have heard of a place called Youth Pride here in Atlanta. My Mom is out of town on business, and my brothers were at something for school. I had a chance to go so I went. I felt nervous there, when I first arrived. I asked some guys sitting downstairs where 18-24 year olds where. The just said find the biggest group they change rooms often,. I went in the was so nervous and shaky the first 30 minutes there. The first guy who was very kind just said sit down. There was another guy accross the room, and he was just talking and I was silent for about 30 minutes. Then the guy I shall call " D" told me to introduce myself and my age. I did and noone could hear me. I was squeeking like a little mouse. I was shaky and uptight, then I started loosening up. I finally learned that the other guy, whom I shall call "A", is an EX Mormon. I jumped up and wanted to talk to him.
They made me feel very safe and secure. We went out to eat at some place called Willy's which is like Moe's. I talked to them for about an hour, and I loved them. They made me feel like I had a place to belong in the world. He talked to me about the Church, and my options. We left, and I drove home.
I got a call from this guy I had given my number to there. He called me and I talked to him for about an hour. He was so sweet, and my current boyfriend hasn't returned my calls, IM"s, or Myspace messages in 5 days so I guess we are broken up. This guy is just so sweet and so damn cute though.
I feel tonight like I have gained a sense of my pride back, and to not be ashamed of what I am. While I still feel like I am on a desolate path I must wonder alone for the next few years, I now know though that if worst came to worst I have allies. I still have this burden in my heart though that God does not approve of me. And that I will never be worthy of acceptance into his Kingdom. Perhaps in time this feeling will go away.
I'll write about Destin tomarrow, or sometime.
However I have heard of a place called Youth Pride here in Atlanta. My Mom is out of town on business, and my brothers were at something for school. I had a chance to go so I went. I felt nervous there, when I first arrived. I asked some guys sitting downstairs where 18-24 year olds where. The just said find the biggest group they change rooms often,. I went in the was so nervous and shaky the first 30 minutes there. The first guy who was very kind just said sit down. There was another guy accross the room, and he was just talking and I was silent for about 30 minutes. Then the guy I shall call " D" told me to introduce myself and my age. I did and noone could hear me. I was squeeking like a little mouse. I was shaky and uptight, then I started loosening up. I finally learned that the other guy, whom I shall call "A", is an EX Mormon. I jumped up and wanted to talk to him.
They made me feel very safe and secure. We went out to eat at some place called Willy's which is like Moe's. I talked to them for about an hour, and I loved them. They made me feel like I had a place to belong in the world. He talked to me about the Church, and my options. We left, and I drove home.
I got a call from this guy I had given my number to there. He called me and I talked to him for about an hour. He was so sweet, and my current boyfriend hasn't returned my calls, IM"s, or Myspace messages in 5 days so I guess we are broken up. This guy is just so sweet and so damn cute though.
I feel tonight like I have gained a sense of my pride back, and to not be ashamed of what I am. While I still feel like I am on a desolate path I must wonder alone for the next few years, I now know though that if worst came to worst I have allies. I still have this burden in my heart though that God does not approve of me. And that I will never be worthy of acceptance into his Kingdom. Perhaps in time this feeling will go away.
I'll write about Destin tomarrow, or sometime.
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