A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

I pick my brothers up at school everyday like I have for the last year. I was the car line this afternoon, and one of my little brothers gets in the car. He has one of his friends with him, and they are all of 10. I tell them to sit down, and let me care them to get something to eat. The little boy out of nowhere asks, " Hey whats a faggot? My Mom says that you are a faggot and it's a sin..." I didn't say anything to his question. I just turned off the radio, brought the top up and dropped the brat off at his house. I almost truly felt like driving off the road with him in the car with me. I have realize he is 10, and means no harm to me. However I also realize his parents are what truly create homophobia. In return to his actions, it is another example of the Southern Christian Dumbass Coalition.

Being out is very odd. I guess I should have felt that everything would be different, however everything has truly remained the same outside of home life. I still go to cheerleading, I still run, I still do school work, and I still have the same old friends. However it just feel different... I guess what I am trying to say ,is even though I can go sporting the rainbow, and say, " GURL!!!" A million times a day, I truly don't want to. I still want to run my small company and expand it, I will want to work on school work, I still want to shop on the American Eagle clearance racks for my 4 dollar shirts, and 10 dollar jeans. I am still very much the same person, but people around me seem to think differently. There is this thing in the gay world, where when people comes out. They just seem to go from normal acting to complete queen and everything in between. They love their Mac, Prada, Armani, Versace, and lavish lifestyle that they support on their $7.50 an hour job at Aber...

So, it has been one week since the drama began. My family is having an incredibly hard time adjusting to something that always has been, and always will be. They tend to think for some reason this changes everything about me, and who I am. In fact, who I was before, was who I am, and the only difference now is I can be honest about who I date. There has been much yelling and screaming this past week. My Mom thinks I'm going to burn in hell, and has brought the Church into play. Now however, she has dropped her going to hell argument, and has pretty much asked the Church to stay out of this for now. I have had tried to have a few conversation with her this week, all of them going, " Help me understand it, I just don't!" This is what she is saying, and in all reality I don't even understand being gay. It's not a choice, it just that I like guys to girls. She can't see this, however I hope in time she will come to see it. Here are a list of some of her theori...

My fellow readers, bloggers, and whomever reads this. This Tragic chapter of my life is almost over. I am emotionally, and physically drained, and cannot think straight. I am in tears in and out of the day, with a family that doesn't understand. They sway back and forth as if they themselves were wheat stems in the wind. I was outed Saturday night. How? I do not want to go into detail. However, when I did comeout it was supposed to be planned. This was unexpected and it's killing me inside... Having a Mormon mother, and family is hard. At first she was understanding of the whole thing. Now, it is as if something has sucked the force of love, and understanding out of her. She is constantly in a state of tears. Asking, " Why have I chosen this for myself?" She believes I am going to burn in hell, and that this choice is her fault. She keeps blaming it on herself, and thinks somewhere in my childhood I was molested... She goes in and out of these moods, where she is hap...

I have been in one of my moods this week. Not a depressing, bitchy, or athletic health freak mood, but more of a thinking mood. I have thought about a lot of things, on a lot of topics. This I can assure you, I am rested in my mind. However something crossed my mind, and this concept even shatters my belief in faith. This goes beyond the death of a pet BTW... If we are so sure there is an after life, then why when someone dies do we mourn so much? They do comfort ourselves as we are living, with the knowledge that there is a Heaven in Hell. If we are so sure of these things, then why do we just not carry on? How come we mourn for weeks, months, and years...? If our faith God is so well written in stone, then why do we say, " I will never see them again? This is something that baffles me. If we as a society were so well sure of Heaven, they how ?come we just don't carry on, and expect to see them when we pass? I was just pondering this, and it astonishes me the concepts the h...

I am sorry for not updating. This has been somewhat of a difficult week for me, not dealing with mortality. No, noone died, in a sense. However my companion of 15 years a chocolate coloured Cocker Spaniel has passed away. I came home Sunday after practice to find her on the floor. I rushed her to the animal hospital near by, but it was to late. There was nothing they could do for her. I talked with the vet after I sobbed like a child for an hour. She believed by dog has suffered from a stroke, just like humans do. I didn't know dogs could suffer from a stroke. It has been very odd for me. My family doesn't seem to have measured the loss. Mainly do to the fact that we all have our own animals, my brother has a Jack Russel, the other has a Ball Python, and my Mom has 2 yorkies. It is strange going to sleep at night, generally Coco was to the right of me under the covers. And Minnie Me, and Gizmo were on the same pillow at the head of the bead. I dunno, I really want another dog....

I find it astonishing, how we pay money to go to a social event, and then all we do is get humiliated. Not humiliated by someone, but by ourselves. How we anticipate this extravagant event, with tons of bois, and making new friends. In reality, in the back of our minds, we all know we will stand around in the corner. While the person that invited us socializes, and flaunts their hotness. With all of the others just like this. That while they are dancing, and half faced drunk, not knowing if that thing they are making out with is a drag queen or an actual girl. They dance the night away, oblivious to all of the worlds problems, set that everything is going to be okay. They spend countless dollars on their high end Versace, Prada, and Armani. They huff, and puff that magic weed, or take some pixie up the nose. They complain that their “Boy Make Up" is smeared, and how much their Mac costs. They grumble over how hot the others guys “Girl Pants" are, and how they are, “So tight t...