A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

This afternoon mildly last minute I was invited to a pool party. It was interesting, and I did not stay long. I don't feel comfortable in a swim suit, and even though I'm not large I feel very insecure in one. This was a spur of the moment last minute thing...... Okay so then I get to work, and it is dead. Of course I am the bartender that they send home.... Instead of coming home I head into Atlanta, to Outwrite.... Erg... So I get there this older creepy gentlemen introduces himself to me and asks my name. I just tell him, and walk away.... So I get to the couch and I start drinking my tea, and reading my book. Well he just keeps staring at me. I end up seeing a few people I have known kinda, and we get into a converstion. We head out onto the balcony and about 10:30 this gentlemen comes up and hands me this one dollar bill, under it is a note.... He walks over to Blake's, and I ask the guy I was with to read the note... It reads Hey, I can't help but think your reall...

This is something I found floating around Myspace. I grew up in this era, and I remember all of this. This made me feel really weird, and miss being a kid............. I still am thought, kinda.... do you guys remerber these days???? Do you guys remerber these days?? Do u remember? Before the MySpace frenzy. Before the Internet & text messaging. Before Sidekicks & iPods. Before MIKE JONESSS Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX. Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing. When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie. When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans. Way back . Tag. Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk. Red Light, Green Light. Heads Up 7 Up. Playing Kickball & Dodgeball ...

The first CD I ever bought was Michelle Branch's " The Spirit Room." I fell in love with her, and still I love that CD is it one of my favorites. The in I bought " Hotel Paper" her second album and fell in love with it. Then Michelle Branch teamed up with Carlos Santana for, " The Game Of Love" and " I'm Feeling You" both very great songs. I have known for a while that Michelle Branch teamed up with some dumbass blonde hobag named, Jessica Harp. The two now have a CD out, and I stood in line at 12 Am for more then an hour waiting for them to bring the damn thing out. I bought it, and popped it into my cars CD player. I am very dissapointed with it. Ugh, Michelle drop the blonde, and once again pick up your guitar, and strum along to the lines of Hotel Paper.

I think one of the hardest things I am able to do is be mean to someone. But seriously if I am not attracted to someone what can I say?!? Scenario...... I am sitting at a gay establishment here in Atlanta. Here comes this guy up to me, and brought up by his buddy. He introduces himself I shake his hand, and he just stands there. In the middle of me having a conversation, about something that I was very interested in.... Yeah, I got into a discussion about theoretical technologies/astronomy/Battlestar Galactica/ Star Trek with a few other gay guys.... I'm a NERD.... Back to the story.The guy just stands there, and he isn't ugly. I just have not interest in him. He has not quality to him physically that I would find appealing for myself. So they stand there for about 2 minutes just trying to start small talk. He was tall, mixed between African American, and White I assume. But he was to dark skinned for me, he has a very messy beard, he wore these pants so tight on himself they l...

So, in the almost what I would call, " A secretly desperate approach and search for a boyfriend." I have been sitting up at various points in MidTown, hoping that I will see a cute boi my age that I can read, when he's interested. It's a Buffet of Manlyness up there, my eyes going over all the guys that walk into the doors of these establishments. Some young, most in their 30's and the cute ones in their 20's. I pour of them, looking at each one just hoping one will give me that quick sidesmirk, or catch his eyes looking at mine. So far, nothing..... Except it tends to be all the old guys, while I sit in Outwrite that approach me. I was only in there working on school work, and yeah I do go their hoping to see someone. However I always get my tea, and sit. The other night this one gentleman(middle aged pedophile), taps me on the shoulder and asks if I was eating a Fruit Roll Up. He claimed he could smell one. I just shoved it off and told , him, " No, it...

Red Chair is an interesting place if you live in the Metro Atlanta Area. I went for the first time this week. Both time Wensday and Thursday night. The place was somewhat dead, but I assume that is because it was very early. Around 11ish.... The place has these beautiful pictures of scenes and people on the wall. I loved the one out front of this woman with blue hair holding some sort of Martini glass. I swear it looks like Cher from her that video and song where she sings, " I believe in love." I know I don't know what the song is called. But it is a beautiful place. Both times I just sat away from the group I was with, in a trance from looking at the bartender. I never got his name, but I was just ordering bottled water, he was beautiful. Not sure why I was so hypnotized by him, but he just had that aura about him.... I could stare at him all night long. I tend to like people though not hott, but just beautiful to me. There is this kid I guess 17 that works at the local...

One of the things about myself that I am not sure is a curse, a gift, or something in between yet, is that I am to afraid to talk to any guy I seem attracted to. I went to a gay dance last night as usual I spent my time drinking water and talking at the front door, and absolutely no time dancing. Pointing out all the ones I thought were cute. As usual there were about 5 of them, and each one I just don't have the confidence to approach. I tend to prefere when they approach me, but this is the irony in it all. Almost all guys tend to want the other person to approach them. I just can't walk up to someone and be like whats up. Guys do it to me, but most of them I have no interest in, or I am in a hurry to get somewhere and they think I'm blowing them off, in the non sexual sense. So perhaps in time this will change. However the one guy I did talk to last night who is adorable is one of my friend boyfriends. Sigh, to bad he's taken.

So since March I have been having very spuratic blog posts. Not anything with flow and set to it like I used to blog. I used to post 2 posts a day, then it went to every other day, and so forth but it was updated fairly often. I have been working my ass off, and thank God school is almost over for the year. However I will be doing summer classes through one of the local colleges, but it will only be two days a week, and it will make senior year so much easier. Here are updates about what has been going on. Nothing in depth although those posts will be coming later. -I still have my company I do part time and I have all the permits and everything worked out. -I also am a bartender now, which I do enjoy very much and I have some stories I might share oneday. -My Mom's doing so much better with her treatments. -School is kicking me ass once again. -I had a potential fling with a guy, but nothing happened, and we never were " Official". I have work now though. Cheers, T

Okay so just to catch you up.... My desktop crashed, and I have been computerless for about 2 weeks which BTW was about to kill me. However now I have a BRAND NEW laptop, and some stuff to post. As of of right now I have work. Cheers, T