A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

The time has come for me to close this chapter. A year and a half ago I was in the closest, in a small conservative town, roughly 45 minutes outside of Atlanta. When I created this blog I was very naive to the workings of the world, and I still am. However over the course of the last year or so, I have gained much insight into the workings of gay society. It is a society with many ins and outs, many secrets, many legacies to be written, and many wanting to do harm. However this is ot the case with the vast majority of gays, they want to do good, and that is it. I was once very closed minded to all sorts of gays, from the lesbians, to the femmes is what I assume they shall be called. However I opened up alot to them, and learned they all play their part. Especially the lesbians, they are like gay men, without ever having to worry about being hit on. Another plus is one has became very close to me... The main reasons for me ending this is this. I once wrote some of my deepest thoughts ...

So last Thursday I went to the Masquerade like I do on the occasion. I only socialize when I go there, but I really enjoy going out to eat after we leave. We generally go to Steak And Shake. So we went there, and we got there, there were tons of beautiful men. So none of them were gay, but okay so they were still hot I am allowed to stare correct?Well then comes this Brazilian group of guys in, and after a while I realize they are gay. One of them is this beautiful man, and I keep staring at him. He stares back and they are sitting there, and he stares right back at me. I just wanted him right then and there... At first I thought they were Latino, so I was trying to understand what they were saying, being I am Latin. I could not, and eventually the waitress told us it was Portugese... But after a while I got up and went to the restroom. As I was at the urinal someone walked into the stall right beside me, my hand was on the urinal for support. Next thing I know I felt someone rubbing m...

I am a very healthy person. I watch what I consume, and try my hardest to have a very balanced diet. I do not consume pork nor beef, and I only eat organic foods. I run like a bitc h about 25 miles per week, and then three other days a week I do a weird assortment of cardio at the gym. Either cycle, elliptical, and or the treadmill, on the occasion I might do a class... However these last few weeks I have done none of the above. I have been so stressed, and I have not ran and I am eating like a cow. It has made me feel better, however I am reaping the benefits as of today. I truly have not looked into the mirror, until last night and I did not like what I saw. Staring back at me was this chubby little fat guy. I know I am not fat, but I do not like this. I have developed love handles, my abs are shot all to hell, and well as for my pecks they are now hidden under a layer of fat. I just got back from the gym, and I weighed myself. I thought the damage was 5-6 pounds, but hell no it...

I pick my brothers up at school everyday like I have for the last year. I was the car line this afternoon, and one of my little brothers gets in the car. He has one of his friends with him, and they are all of 10. I tell them to sit down, and let me care them to get something to eat. The little boy out of nowhere asks, " Hey whats a faggot? My Mom says that you are a faggot and it's a sin..." I didn't say anything to his question. I just turned off the radio, brought the top up and dropped the brat off at his house. I almost truly felt like driving off the road with him in the car with me. I have realize he is 10, and means no harm to me. However I also realize his parents are what truly create homophobia. In return to his actions, it is another example of the Southern Christian Dumbass Coalition.

Being out is very odd. I guess I should have felt that everything would be different, however everything has truly remained the same outside of home life. I still go to cheerleading, I still run, I still do school work, and I still have the same old friends. However it just feel different... I guess what I am trying to say ,is even though I can go sporting the rainbow, and say, " GURL!!!" A million times a day, I truly don't want to. I still want to run my small company and expand it, I will want to work on school work, I still want to shop on the American Eagle clearance racks for my 4 dollar shirts, and 10 dollar jeans. I am still very much the same person, but people around me seem to think differently. There is this thing in the gay world, where when people comes out. They just seem to go from normal acting to complete queen and everything in between. They love their Mac, Prada, Armani, Versace, and lavish lifestyle that they support on their $7.50 an hour job at Aber...

So, it has been one week since the drama began. My family is having an incredibly hard time adjusting to something that always has been, and always will be. They tend to think for some reason this changes everything about me, and who I am. In fact, who I was before, was who I am, and the only difference now is I can be honest about who I date. There has been much yelling and screaming this past week. My Mom thinks I'm going to burn in hell, and has brought the Church into play. Now however, she has dropped her going to hell argument, and has pretty much asked the Church to stay out of this for now. I have had tried to have a few conversation with her this week, all of them going, " Help me understand it, I just don't!" This is what she is saying, and in all reality I don't even understand being gay. It's not a choice, it just that I like guys to girls. She can't see this, however I hope in time she will come to see it. Here are a list of some of her theori...

My fellow readers, bloggers, and whomever reads this. This Tragic chapter of my life is almost over. I am emotionally, and physically drained, and cannot think straight. I am in tears in and out of the day, with a family that doesn't understand. They sway back and forth as if they themselves were wheat stems in the wind. I was outed Saturday night. How? I do not want to go into detail. However, when I did comeout it was supposed to be planned. This was unexpected and it's killing me inside... Having a Mormon mother, and family is hard. At first she was understanding of the whole thing. Now, it is as if something has sucked the force of love, and understanding out of her. She is constantly in a state of tears. Asking, " Why have I chosen this for myself?" She believes I am going to burn in hell, and that this choice is her fault. She keeps blaming it on herself, and thinks somewhere in my childhood I was molested... She goes in and out of these moods, where she is hap...