A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

Very rarely do I see a blog worth mentioning in this, besides the ones in my blogroll. Whoever this is a very original blog, and one worth reading. It's called " Letters To Zac ." Cheers, T

Tonight I met a guy. He was silent at first in our discussion group, a gay group might I add. We were sitting there, talking about what ever. He was so cute sitting there, and then towards the end we smiled at each other a few times. Towards the we were leaving and he was following me and the instructor I assume. The instructor said, " Goodbye" and then he turned to me and said, " I'll see you later." I had just gotten the courage to run up to him and ask him if he wanted to go to Starbucks when..... Someone started talking to me. I couldn't be rude and just run out the door. So for 2 minutes we talked, and I ran around for about 10 minutes looking for this guy. The other guys there all wanted my number but I didn't want to give it to him... I wanted this guy's number and his only.... Sigh, this happens whenever I see a cutie.

I am so sick of giving my heart to someone and being in that euphoric, "Everything is Grand O'le Great" state of mind. I am sick of giving myself to someone and have them kick me to the curb like dog shit. I am sick of calling and calling any guy I talk to, and either them try to fuck me, or never call me back. I am sick of having a great conversation with a guy only to have then jump up and talk to the next best thing in line. The fact is I had sex with Greg 4 months ago. It was great because I felt something for him.I don't like being close to someone if there is no connection there. I have no desire for sex, until I know I feel something for someone. I am fine with my left hand and Sean Cody, and Corbin Fisher.... I am going to give up the hopes of finding some Abercrombiehott ass guy, in hopes of falling in love, and becoming a Stepford Fag. I am no longer attracted to these kinds of guys because all they want is Party, Sex, and well sex.... I want that genuine bo...

I am going to stop posting so many day to day posts about everything that happens in my life. I am going to however start posting posts mainly about my growth and expieriences in the Gay World. So instead of updating 2-3 times a day, expect more like 4-5 times a week. I think it will make the blog more interesting, and not so full of crap. I am however going to be going to the Youth Pride dance this Friday in Atlanta. Cheers, T

Last night I went to the GA Tech Gay Pride Par-Tay, well thats what they called it. Anyway it really was a blow, I went with a guy I met at Youth Pride. He is so sweet, and his friends were all really good to me. I hardly ever drink and when I do it is maybe a glass or so of wine. However I had what they called, "2 tall shot glasses", of straight up vodka I believe. The shit burned like hell both times going down my throat. I have learned from then when I drink I go from pretty much straight acting to a total trannie, whatever that means I still don't know. Apparently I say such things at , " Hunny, Bitch, Whatever,...." and such gay queen lingo. I don't really remember this.... I do know by the time I have sobered up they were leaving for the Party. The dancing sucks, and in fact I hate dancing. I stand there with 2 guys on each side of me just going back and forth. I would rather be at work. Well there was this adorably quiet guy standing by the enterance...

I really don't know who I am. I constantly struggle with myself to define who I am, and for noone but myself. I think about things I am sure most people my age don't think about. I am secretly a geek, and I love Dungeons and Dragons, Star Trek, Battle Star Galactica, HALO, Star Craft, and other nerdy SciFi gigs. I am overly critical of things and people, and highly judgemental, and I have high standards for myself and others around me. I don't really gossip, if I have something to say, I say it to your face. I love the colours blue and black together, and I find the colour green repulsive. I really don't know how to spell the word colour, so I spell it colour and color.... I would define myself as an artist with a massive artists block, and a businessman. I love business and money issues. I am not sure why exactly I have always been good with money, and making it and coming up with new concepts, and understanding the philosophy of money has always been in my art. I also...

For the longest time even though I have finally admitted I was gay to myself. I still have felt like I am the Sinners Saint in the eye's of God. I still felt the burden that I am gonna go to hell. I still feel guilty for something I know I cannont help. It's not a choice, but who I am. Nothing can change that. I have always felt like I was in this battle for myself. That along the way I would have no true allies in the world.... However I have heard of a place called Youth Pride here in Atlanta. My Mom is out of town on business, and my brothers were at something for school. I had a chance to go so I went. I felt nervous there, when I first arrived. I asked some guys sitting downstairs where 18-24 year olds where. The just said find the biggest group they change rooms often,. I went in the was so nervous and shaky the first 30 minutes there. The first guy who was very kind just said sit down. There was another guy accross the room, and he was just talking and I was silent for...

I have a new boyfriend as of last Friday, kinda of a long story, and post but I'll call him " AD." Just so you know a post will be about him tomarrow as well....

So we end up in Kentucky and stop at some old mall, and we walk around because we have been driving for hours. We get out and this mall is so damn small I don't really think it qualifies as a mall. However there is this store called The Buckle and they had the coolest clothes in their. Affliction is now my favorite brand of clothing. I also found one at a damn mall an hour at Arbor Place mall.... But yeah, we head through Nashville, that city is so UGLY. From Nashville we head to Chattanooga, and it was so pretty driving through the mountains. 3 Hours later we wee Atlanta, dead beat tired from staying in the Budget Inn which BTW was disgusting. This is Thursday when we get into Atlanta. About 9 PM when we get back to our portion of the city. I get a call from someone that guy I had gone to the Masquerade the Thursday before, asking if I wanted to go. I of course said yeah.... I get to the Masquerade arounf 12 had to pay 3 fracking bucks to get in because the password wasn't go...

Last Wensday I get a call from one of my friends. They are inviting me on an accross country road trip to go and pick their car up in Minneapolis, MN. Their is one guy I am friends with, and some girl I have never met. Being broke and bored, I of course scream, " Yes!" So we fly up to Minneapolis, and get her car and everything their goes great. BTW, the Mid West from an airplane is seriously one of the ugliest things ever. So we spend 8 hours that day driving back to Atlanta, and smelling cow shit for 200 miles non stop driving through Wisconson....... More to come time for school!

No, I have not gone anywhere. The blog is still here. I got invited on a spring break trip so last minute that I didn't have time to write a post, hell I hardly had time to pack, and left so much stuff at home. I have some pictures, and loads of stories I will post. From Miniesota( however you spell it) to Florida. However I have work. I have gotten 19 emails this week asking where I was.

I have a deep seeded faith in The Lord. Don't get my wrong, but there are many day and lengths of time when I have no clue where my life is headed. In fact I barely know who I am as a person. I often find myself trying to figure myself out, and have a rebirth as a person in a sense. I was driving around the other day and I saw a sign for a Palm Reader. This isn't the first time I have been to a mystic, 2 years ago I went to a psychic and everything she said freaked me out, and alot of it has came true. I stopped by the Palm Reader, and went in. She is a yougn woman in her 30's I am going to guess. Very pretty. She asked me my name and sat me down. She asked to see my left hand. I held it out and started by telling me my life would be long, but sometime in the next 9 months she saw diabeties in my family. Not me for say, but someone close to me. She then went to explain that the last three years of my life have been and emotional uproar for me and a hard one at that. She was...

So today I went into Golden Corral with my brothers. I didn't think about the cute guy whoi was there before, but then I remember him. I walked around for about 2 minutes then I saw him doing a private party room. There was no way he could be out waiter so I took the table nearest to him. He didn't see us at first, but as he walked by to do something he saw me out of the corner of his eye. HE was staring at me, and I looked up and he turned his head so fast. I think he was blushing. Then he walked back a few minutes later, and he was getting some rolls from the counter. I jumped up in line right behind him, and as he was bending over I tried to get a butt shot. No, luck he stood up and handed me the utensils to get the rolls. He just stepped aside so politely, and I accidently touched his hand for a a second. He didn't say anything but I said thank you and he just stood there. He is so adoreably cute. Not like most guys I am attracted to. He has very fair skin, and rosey ch...