A Modern Day Tragedy: 13+ Years Post Emo Kid

There are moments in everyones life, when something random and unexpected comes to the table that leaves them utterly unable to talk. There have been moments in my life where someone has told me something about them, that was disturbing at first. However after it has sunk in allows me grasp who they are with far better understanding. Conversation the other night with someone whom I slightly know. Me: Are you feeling okay? Him: No, I have been sick all day. Me: Oh God, dude I am sorry what is wrong? Him: We're not sure, either it's a bug or my HIV... After he said that everything else which poured from his mouth seemed to just evaporate into thin hair. I sat there for a minute wondering if I had heard correctly and my reply... Me: Did you just say you had the three letter disease...? Besides the fact that I was tripping over my own words this whole time, my whole body got shaky. The pit in my stomach grew three times it's size, and I felt like I was gonna vomit. Him: Yes, I ...

I just found out Anna Nalick was coming to Atlanta on August 29. I was bursting with joy. I have never seen my favorite artist in concert. When she was here with Howie Day last summer, I was at Duke. When she was here with Rob Thomas, I had a competition. Now she is here with some moron named Chris Isaak, and for this reason I cannot afford tickets. They are $135 each, and for this very reason I has just shed a tear. I am actually very sad about this... I really want to see her.

Besides listening to Wreck Of The Day remake song over 55 times today... I have also determined what kind of guys I truly am attracted to! For some reason very pale light skinned guys drive me wild. I am talking about the light skinned German, Polish ones. Their skin, and hair just is so beautiful. Their skin tone is like nothing I have ever had the pleasure of seeing before. Also I have also determined that Jewish guys are also very hot. There is something about them:) There I said it! I like German, Polish, and Jewish Bois...

Well it is almost here. On July 11th,2006 Anna Nalick's remake album Wreck Of The Day(06) hit's shelves. I have almost been blown away by the new remake of Wreck Of The Day song. You can hear it on her myspace .........

As of right now I am sitting at Atlanta's Gay cafe OutWrite. There is nothing more tense then seeing someone of whom you once dated sitting on the balcony. He said," Hey." Then there was a quick hug. This is very difficult for me sitting here. Seeing him drawing away into a journal. Wondering what he is drawing, and wondering what he is thinking? This is the guy I dated a few weeks ago, and it still is very difficult for me to sit here. I want to talk to him, but the approach is hard................ My life is not a Tragedy, but this situation is an unfolding one..............

I have officially left the bartending/serving world, and hopefully forever. For a while now I have been doing my own gig, by that I mean I have my own company. It had been growing slowly until this week the local paper caught wind of the high schooler who owns a business. They ran a story on it, and it was on the front page of the local paper. I told the journalist who wrote it my whole story. She kept telling me the whole time people would love this..... Well, she fracking woman distorted everything I told her. Especially about my mother, it is all true, but God is is phrased so harshly. I love my Mom, but our relationship right now is very rocky. She thinks I don't spend enough time at home, and I am always working to much. She claims I neglect my responsibilities for watching my brothers all summer while she travels with work. I can't watch them 24/7, so you get the picture. She knows the local paper is doing a story on it. I told her I couldn't find the paper anywhe...

Okay, so as some of you know I dated a guy for about a week. I actually really liked him, and the 2 guys before him claimed I neglected them. So this one I decided not to neglect and it backfired. He told me he felt like I smothered him. I actually was starting to fall for this one. But he was sincere to me when he told me that. I was hurt though I didn't shed a tear, but I honestly was hurt. For a week I ran into him 3 times and it was so awkward for me. I almost felt like he hated me, so last night I hear from some twink say, " Yeah, I he was telling me he thinks your an asshole to him, and a jerk." I called him and I feel so much better. He better explained himself, and myself to him. He was still genuine for all of the 8 minutes we talked. I shall miss this one, but at least now I can approach him, and talk to him when I see him.

One of the few actual gay men I have admired is Christopher Beckman, and not for his role on Real World. I admire him for his story, his roots, where he came from and where is going in the world. I have been such a huge fan of him, and I can relate many of the issues in my past with him. He has a book out called, " Clean: A New Generation in Recovery Speaks Out." Besides the fact that his story is so compelling and inspirational to me, he is actually a really genuine writer. He has some personal touch to his writers most writers can't convey. It is almost like he is sitting beside me as I read the book, and explaining his emotions in those memories to me. I have just started reading it this afternoon but I am more then halfway through it. If you are looking for something to read give it a shot!

You know that feeling when you meet a guy who is so adorable, but everyone thinks he is straight? Secretly in the back of my mind I highly suspect he's gay, and I have caught him looking at me on more then one occasion tonight. However I don't want to fall for anymore cheerleaders.......... This one though is kinda, WOAH.........

So of course I live within the confides of the gayest city in the South. Okay, the fact of the matter remains I have been spaired somewhat. God, has blessed me with living in the country, with one hell of a fracking drive into the city. It's not bad though I actually prefere the country to the city. I always have and I always will, it just feels like home. The hustle and bustle of the big city would annoy me. There are many things that I don't understand about the concept of Drag Shows in the firstplace. I don't mind the people behind the costumes, but I just don't like them in Drag period. I get so uneasy, and skittish when they dress that way. It just really to me brings me down, when I see Gay Society dries each and everyday to move forward, but yet we have our youth who still hold onto their stereotypical beliefs created, by the youth that society feeds on. A major part of us not getting anywhere is not the older gentlemen, but the younger ones holding gays back. No...

It's official......... Anna Nalick has announced the release of her second album due out this summer. While not a true second album it is the remake of Wreck Of The Day, her last album. However it includes 3 new songs, and a remake of the title track Wreck Of The Day, which BTW is my favorite song on the album. I am so excited I about want to cry................ YOU GO ANNA!!!!

I adore running, I have kinda neglecting my normal routine of 15 miles a week lately due to work. But however I just love it. I went into the gym this morning to use the treadmill. I get there the same time this girl did about 7 AM. We start I always aim for a 10 minute mile with a 3-5 mile run. We start at the same time. Well I finish at 3 miles, and I had a 9:15 mile which is decent. I see her getting off, after about 15 minutes, and I said, " Finished?" Her responce, " Yeah, I have a 5:30 second mile run." You people with a 5 or 6 minute mile make me sick, and envious of your abilities at the same time.................

A lot has been happening here is my catch up post. I had been dating a guy I actually liked him to. We went on a few dates, and been dating a week. Then he told me that he felt I was smothering him. That I came to the city just to see him for a few minutes here and there. The fact of the matter is the guy I dated before thought I was neglecting him, and it went nowhere. Oh well, but I was in the city anyway. Why not stop by his work and say hey or something. His loss not mine......... On another note I have never been so drunk that I actuall had a hangover. Yesterday I woke up with this blistering headache, vomitting, the whole nine yards. I had about 4 shots which for me is alot....................... Also I went to a pool party yesterday. I have learned there are different types of gay men. More by age and personality factors then anything else. Here is a brief overview of gay men at pool parties... I the young ones 18-23ish are skinny, smoke, and say girl out the rood. Also they ...

There is nothing more that scares me, while running down the road, then a teenage girl in a Beamer, on a cell phone with music blasting.........................

I kinda just met a guy he is adorable, but he is not my type. However his name is Gabriel, and I think he has one of the most beautiful names. I have never actually met anyone with this name before. There is something about Holy names I suppose I find beautiful. Like the name Nathaniel, or Noah, I just hope I never meet a Lucifer.

It has been one year since the birth of this Blog. A Modern Day Tragedy, not so much still. My life in all of its ups and downs and thrills and drama of a roller coaster, is pretty much tranquil. I have been through more in the last year then I thought I would have ever been through. It's interesting, althought I have learned much about myself, and who I am. I am virtually the same person. Still have the same hair, skin, and body. I still have the desire to fall in love. I still have the same deep seeded faith. If there is anything I have learned through the last year it is this....... Whatever life throws my way can either be good or bad. It just determines how I see it. I can choose the outcome of any situation. I just require the motivation, and determination to do so. I am weak, and still not a strong person. On the inside I am very insecure about myself. I give off this cocky conceited vibe, yet secretly I am always doubting myself. Just wondering if perhaps this will be the t...

I know my recent posts are incomplete and very scattered. I haven't had much time these last few months to post much. I miss posting everyday I really do... However this is one of those times when I need the advice or words of wisdoms from actual readers. I fear I have done something, possibly nothing. However I am not sure... I have been on a few dates with a this awsome guy. The last post was about him although I never finished it. Well he works alot like I do, but this week I have had more free time on my hands. So I have been trying to spend time with him. However I am not sure if this was to much for him. Yesterday I went by to see him at his work. Which BTW is a gay establishment. He seemed very annoyed by my random magic show appearance there. I was in the area anyway. But anyway he hugged me, but he had that, " What are you doing here, I am annoyed to fuck" vibe he was giving off......... So I kinda left in a hurry, and then one of my friends call me. Well kinda f...

So yeah, I am dating a great guy right now. I am not sure really where we are heading, but he is different then most of the guys I have dated. Well, maybe he isn't perhaps I am just so caught up in lust and love that I can no longer tell. But back to the story. We ended up meeting through some crackhead kid with one nut, is ADHD, and is obviously Bipolar.At first he just introduced me to him, and I astonished at his beauty in Outwrite. He chatted for a bit then we got into a conversation. It was decent but, with three other people I am assuming. However we talked outsite once they kicked us out for closing us and a few others guys. I could already tell I was attracted to him. We ended up going out to eat kinda, then he had to leave but we did a number swatch. We went to Joe's, and I was talking with the guys I was with. I talked about him just a tad. One of the actual somewhat intelligent guys I was with just told me to call him...