I Stole This From LJ
I stole this from one of my friends Live Journals and it amuses me, because its so true!!!
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the
same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not
achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be
"meetings".
3. There is a very fine line between hobby and
mental illness.
4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your
life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason
why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggest that
you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her
at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
that, deep down inside, we
ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a
waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never
fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the
Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the
women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
into something acceptable
to have dinner with.
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the
same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not
achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be
"meetings".
3. There is a very fine line between hobby and
mental illness.
4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your
life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason
why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggest that
you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her
at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
that, deep down inside, we
ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a
waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never
fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the
Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the
women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
into something acceptable
to have dinner with.
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